Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Scanxiety . . . How Do You Deal?

So one would think that after 9 years I would be used to followup visits and tests. I stupidly thought I would get to a point where I would be scanxiety free. In the beginning I went for visits every 3 months, then after 3 years I went every 6 months and then when at the 5 year mark I graduated to once...
September 2nd, 2010 | Life After Cancer | Read More


The first part of my medical journey is about neurology, epilepsy, and uncertainty. I have found that uncertainty is scarier than a diagnosis, even when the diagnosis is brain cancer. This story is about my first two seizures and what they felt like. It is important for me to tell this story because...
June 24th, 2010 | Life During Cancer | Read More

Cancer . . . Was It Just Part of The Plan?

“Please don’t forget to wear your seat belt.” I said to him for the millionth time. “You worry too much Cat. It doesn’t matter if I wear my seatbelt or not. If its my time to go I will go no matter what.” he said Paul and I had that conversation the morning he was...
May 20th, 2010 | Life After Cancer | Read More

Rescheduling My Annual Mammo. . . Why Does It Feel Like I Committed a Crime?

As 2009 drew to a close my boob started to hurt. It happens like clockwork each year as my annual mammo draws near. It was scheduled for March 2. That and a followup visit with my breast surgeon. In an effort to put myself first and explore new creative interests I came upon a flyer for a painting class...
April 9th, 2010 | Life After Cancer | Read More

Is It Ever “Just” A Headache Anymore?

The night of my first chemo treatment was one of the worst of my life running a very close second to the night my husband was killed. I remember being home alone laying on the couch when the worst headache of my life began. The pain was so intense I was crying. It was all centered right above my eyes...
March 2nd, 2010 | Life After Cancer | Read More

Do You Know About Your Doc’s Private Life?

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I injured my knee while napping on Wednesday.  (Who gets injured napping?)  Still super painful on Thursday, Shannon pushed me into my doctor’s office in a wheelchair.  The cause of the pain is still a mystery.  We joked with my doc that it’s H1N1 in my knee, or a very new and original...
October 22nd, 2009 | Everything Changes | Read More

How Do You Handle Fear?

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Fear is something I have experienced much of in the last nine years since my diagnosis, and my feeling is that it is not something that I “surmount” or “overcome”, but something that I go “through”.  It is not always pleasant, and coming out on the other side is...
October 15th, 2009 | Everything Changes | Read More

Random Acts of Cancer Kindness

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During my first cancer treatment I was scared and in pain. I wanted hope and an escape, reassurance and strength. It came in the mail. I received a hand written letter full of empathy and understanding from a guy named Brian. He had suffered from Crohn’s disease and knew what it was like to feel...
October 6th, 2009 | Everything Changes | Read More

Are You More of a Risk Taker Since Illness?

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I often hear that people live more fully after having a life threatening illness, doing things they have never done before. Not me. Since going through cancer treatment, I have a whole new relationship to physical risk. I just cannot stand it. I used to love hiking – scrambling up rocky hillsides,...
September 25th, 2009 | Everything Changes | Read More

Do You Like Being Called Strong?

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My mom and dad drove to Chicago for an impromptu Labor Day weekend visit.  My mom sat by my computer this morning as I checked my email.  We began a conversation about Wendy Harpham’s blog post on “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Cancer not only sucks for me, but it hugely sucks...
September 4th, 2009 | Everything Changes | Read More