I Had Cancer. . . Does That Revoke My Right To Sweat The Small Stuff??

Life After Cancer — By on August 1, 2009 at 6:20 am

I have been pondering this a lot lately. Probably because I have been struggling with an anxious mind in recent days. When I am anxious I worry. When I worry I tend to complain. I hate when I am like that.

I swore to myself that if I survived cancer I would never complain again. Not about a bad hair day or even a bad day at work. I wonder how I thought I could pull that off. I felt so grateful to still be alive I was afraid to complain. I felt as though complaining about anything meant I didn’t feel glad to have survived. I felt like I had no right to. Sometimes as a cancer survivor I feel as though I should be dancing and singing through each and everyday. I put this expectation on myself to never feel bad. And then I just worry about that! I live with alot of anxiety of my cancer coming back, or losing my husband as I lost my first one. I don’t know how to find balance…inside my head.

Don’t get me wrong, I have many a great day. I have many days when I am dancing like nobody is watching and laughing, and just being happy. But I still struggle with my “after cancer” life and feel guilty for the struggle. I put way to much pressure on myself striving for perfection in my life since having faced my own mortality. I am kind to others but the one person I need to be kinder to is myself.

Do you ever feel bad when you sweat the small stuff? How do you find balance? Are you a glass half full or half empty kinda person?

I am the author of Breastless in the City Visit me at cathybueti.com

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