Cyberchondriac Girls #2: This Time, MRIs and Feminine Hygiene. Be Afraid. (Guest Blog by Elizabeth)Heidi Adams — By Heidi Adams on February 11, 2009 at 7:39 am
No intro. Just jump right in to the warped and hilarious world of one of my awesome Cyberchondriac Girls, Elizabeth:
I believe I may have reached a new low tonight. Or high, depending on your perspective. I had to get an MRI on my aching, arthritic hip, just to make sure it’s not some advanced metastatic bone cancer before I start PT next week. My self-diagnosis came from Healthypet.com: it must be hip dysplasia, as in the disorder suffered by my childhood Labrador retriever.
Anyways, I’m terribly claustrophobic, so demanded sedation. The poor tech tried to talk me out of it, saying that I’d had scans in 2001 and 2002 without meds; it was only 2004 onward that I required sedation. I didn’t tell him that I scored my own tranquilizers back then, before I realized you could get better ones at the scan center. I have to give this guy credit as he was very, very thorough in going over the questions about my health, potential metal objects in my body, etc. He perked up when I mentioned my cervical cancer from 2001 – this apparently elevated the whole experience to require a gross contrast dye. He was satisfied that I didn’t have any intra-genital piercings, so he left me to drift off to the fourth dimension.
Then…I started to panic. When we discussed foreign objects that might lurk within my body, I’d neglected to tell him that I was at the end of my period and was still using a tampon. I really fretted about this as I became less and less lucid. What if that string contains microscopic metal particles? Could I really trust Playtex to ensure that nothing attracted by magnets is in those things? I almost jumped out of the bed when he finally reappeared (good thing they use rails), asking what he thought the risk was. I had visions of tiny metal pieces being forced into my uterus and God knows where else. It would be just like the Dalkon Shield IUD burrowing its way into my pelvic cavity, but impossible to detect. He looked a little taken aback, to say the least.
I insisted that he let me go to the bathroom to remove the potentially lethal feminine hygiene device. His female co-worker wouldn’t look me in the eye … she probably thought I was right, but didn’t want to appear too paranoid. You know how it is. By this point, I had some slight difficulty walking in a straight line, but my mission was accomplished. To the best of my knowledge, no metal invaded or exploded out of my body.
Always be on the lookout. Danger lurks everywhere, even if nobody online has raised the issue yet. Tampons have been proven to kill in the past (Toxic Shock Syndrome, anyone?).